Big stuff from our little girl

As you know, Cati was nervous about making friends because no one played with her on the playground the first few days of pre-k. Louie and I really had to walk a fine line in the following days, trying to ask her about the friend/playground situation without overemphasizing it. It was very much on her mind, even without our mentioning it. In fact, on the Sunday after school started, she was just down-in-the-dumps. When I asked her why, she said that she just didn’t know a reason. I’m big on showing and discussing emotions (which, I might add, is lucky for me, since I’m not capable of hiding my emotions to begin with!), so I was quick to tell her that she didn’t always have to understand what she was feeling or know the reason for it, but sometimes it helps to talk about things. I suspected that it was the product her big first week of school. We started to talk about friends and how friendships might not happen overnight, but they will happen. I told her that she is beautifully and wonderfully made, that Papa and I love every little detail about her, and that soon she would make friends that would feel exactly the same way. She looked at me without missing a beat and said, “But, Mama, I just really don’t love this brown skin,” and pointed to her arm. I was taken aback, definitely, but the conversation that followed was definitely a positive one.

I have always felt like I was well-prepared for conversations like this. I have read all the toddler adoption books I could get my hands on. I underlined, circled, and highlighted the pages of each and every one of them, especially when it came to discussing cultural diversity. My opinion (and this goes for my husband, too) has always been that ignoring the differences between us is not the answer. Pretending that they don’t exist is just silly. Embracing them and highlighting their beauty is the way that we want to go. Our children’s qualities, the ones that are unique to their heritage, are some of the most perfect things about them. We are in awe of them, actually, and we positively highlight them every chance that we get…and those chances come up a lot around here. Before starting school, her world was our little family, so I would notice her comparing herself to me (the polar opposite of her when it comes to physical characteristics). For example, she has mentioned many times that she doesn’t like having curly, dark hair. She would prefer having straight hair like Mama’s. And, once, she asked if her brown eyes would change to green like Mama’s when she grew up. I guess now that her world has expanded somewhat significantly, it stands to reason that she is transferring that to other people and looking to us for reassurance. Ugh, I so hope that we’re giving her what she needs.

I think that this is the right time to note that it scares the living daylights out of me to think that someone – our sweet, impressionable girl, in fact – is relying on me to influence her self-esteem. I haven’t exactly been known for my overflowing self-esteem, but that’s a whole ‘nother posting, now isn’t it?

Back to Catalina…she, in my opinion, is more perceptive than the average bear. She notices things. Like, recently, I asked her why she was so frowny. She said to me, “Mama, I can’t be smiley all the time. That’s how God made us. He made us happy AND sad.” I was bursting with pride. The fact that she knows that a range of emotions is not only acceptable, but it is how we, as humans, were created…well, I just think that is beautiful and brilliant of her.

I’ve gotten a little off-course. I was telling y’all about the big thoughts my little girl had about herself and how she fits into the rest of her world. She seems to have resolved her concerns, for now, anyway. I’ll be ready the next time she has them. I feel like the luckiest (and most inadequate) person in the world to be a part of her growing-up process. It’s really amazing to watch. Just seeing these past few weeks…she started out so apprehensive and I’ve seen, day-by-day, her growing and changing. I’ve seen the little ways that she puts herself out there, saying “Hi” to a girl on the way into their classroom, asking another one to play with her at the birthday party she went to. She’s making herself vulnerable and it’s terrifying and magical seeing how those things play out. As we left that party that I mentioned, the little girl that Catalina talked to walked over (on her own, mind you, her mother wasn’t even at the party), “Catalina, I had fun playing with you.” When I told Louie that, his eyes filled with tears. There have been lots of other little reassuring things like that (reassuring to Catalina, but also reassuring to us) and we all feel great about how things are going. During the second week of school, Catalina’s teacher told me that one of the girls said to her, “Miss Kathy, I have a new friend named Catalina.” Music to our ears!

Okay, now, for a few photos to lighten the mood of this posting:

Before school one day, just because I think they are cute!



The two parties that Cati has attended (both birthday girls were her classmates):









Before Cati’s first show-and-tell (something starting with the letter “T”):



After swimming with our friends, Ruffin and McConnell:



Enjoying yummy ice cream sandwiches, the only thing that would get them out of the pool:





Running on the golf course by our house (we aren’t members of the club, but no one was looking):



Admiring their shadows with Papa:



On Sunday morning, my whole family:



With Mama before church: