...mixed with what?

My good friend just adopted the most beautiful baby from Guatemala. Honestly, she and I and Louie all think that her baby looks very similar to what we imagine that Catalina looked like as an infant (off-subject, but I would give anything to know Cati as an infant, or even just to have a picture from that time in her life). Anyway, so my friend and her exceptionally beautiful daughter were in a store recently, chatting with an employee about grout options for the tile in her home. After a little while, the guy looked at beautiful baby and said, "Is she mixed?" My friend was confused because they had just been talking about mixing grout, so she paused and said, "Mixed with what??" His response..."Black." Okay, so we're not talking about grout anymore.

When she relayed this story to me, all we could talk about was what an idiot this guy was. Honestly, if you were to look at this particular child, your first thought wouldn't be how dark her skin is or how different it is from her pale-faced mama...your first thought would be "Oh my goodness, that is a gorgeous child!" And, even if you wondered about her ethnicity, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't ask about it in those crude terms.

As an adoptive parent, you read about comments that strangers (and idiots) will make about your kids and the ways that they differ from you (whether it's their skin color or shape of their eyes or the texture of their hair or whatever). Before our kids came home, whenever I read on adoption blogs or online forums or in books about stranger comments, I thought that those comments must be very infrequent and that I surely wouldn't mind if anyone asked. There's no denying that my kids (particularly Catalina) don't look like me and, if someone is wondering, they are more than welcome to ask.

We definitely get looks at the grocery store and Target...Catalina chatters the entire way up and down every aisle, mixing Spanish and English into every sentence. It's really very adorable, as is she, so lots of strangers look and it doesn't bother me a bit. The first comment that I received was at the pediatrician's office. The receptionist looked at me, then Gus, and said, "Aww, he didn't get your pretty eyes!" Pretty innocuous, right? Wrong. I was offended for several reasons. One, because Gus has the biggest, most beautiful eyes on the planet. Was she saying that mine were prettier? How dare she? And, two...well, I don't even know what the second reason was. But, I flashed back a fake smile and said "We're not sure whose eyes he got...he's adopted." I felt bad afterward because I guess it's only natural for her to think that he is biologically related to me. I really shouldn't have been offended. Next time, I'll be prepared. I will lose the chip on my shoulder. I am so proud that they are adopted from Guatemala, so next time, I will be informative instead of defensive.

But, then yesterday - you're never going to believe this - we were at Target and the check-out girl actually said to me, "Are they mixed?" I'm sorry...what!? When did it become okay to ask strangers this? It didn't offend me that she noticed that my kids are different from me, but, seriously, what is wrong with these people?

Idiots.